Failure is not failure in essence, its success in hiding

Whenever we are angry,we tend to let it out in a creative way because it helps us channel our energy for something good. It all seems so cool when you see your favorite fictional characters such as Klaus from TVD make such wonderful images while grieving and feeling lonely. With Klaus, I can actually relate. I know what it feels like to feel alone in a crowded room, to resort to evil more often to overshadow my loneliness and to convert my remorse into something useful. But that is where I draw the line. That is because I chose a different means to unleash my feelings to the world. I chose writing as my thing.

You know, I used to think that all kinds of art are the same in essence and that one who can write, can paint just as well. I used to keep a sketchbook, a charcoal pencil and an eraser with me waiting for inspiration to hit me but it never did. Then one day, when I was in one my fits, I took it out and waited for an hour, drawing aimlessly, waiting for it to click; for some connection to form but it never did. I was sitting on the terrace, in the company of a lizard. Neither one of us bothered the other. I was playing 'In my veins' by Andrew Bellum and that is when I realized that it would not happen. Writing comes naturally to me. I don't have to force myself to write. I write to get out of my mood swings but this is not what I wanted to do when I was hurt or angry or sad. No! I wanted to write and bake. I even tried googling some stuff but all I could draw was an imperfect oval-ish circle covered with blackish surroundings. It was an embarrassing outcome of what I had originally intended to make. 

But you know what did happen? I got a new topic to write on! So I guess that when they say, everything happens for a reason, they are absolutely correct. Besides, that sketch book would serve my younger sister better because she loves sketching and painting, something I can just admire.

THE POWER OF OBSERVATION IN A VOLUNTEER

When you go somewhere to volunteer, you think that just after saying two words, your work is complete: WE ARE HELPING AND MOTIVATING PEOPLE. Thank you all, it was nice meeting you. But that is not how it is. That is not how we go about it. And that is what I learned in a training session before volunteering. I believe that this was the first place where I got the true feeling of volunteering: Family Education Service Foundation. And that is not entirely because of the projects we did but the training we received from our facilitator. Whenever we are planning to venture into a new business, we plan it beforehand. We consider all the pros and cons before entering the battlefield. Why? Because that is when our money and respect is at stake, so when it comes to volunteering, why don't we? Well, first, our money stays in our pockets and respect? We are earning that through volunteering itself. Why put any more efforts than we already are. What we don't consider is that just by saying that we need to help and motivate people, we are not actually doing it. We need to understand what they need and then devise a proper plan to give it to them. In these training sessions, we learned how to do that. We learned how we could be a good leader. We learned that a leader does not need followers. We learned how to acknowledge our own mistakes. We learned how our best work can turn into trash in just eight minutes. We learned how to work as a team. We learned how to raise funds. We learned the benefits of asking. We got to know why we should praise someone. In short, we not only learned how to become a good volunteer, but also, how to become a good person. To be a good volunteer, we need to learn to respect people. We need to learn how to save money and spend it efficiently. We need to earn people's trust. We need to take charge in a way that nobody feels left out. We need to realize our teams abilities and use them in the way best suited to the situation. And for all that to happen, we need to see. As Robert Baden-Powell rightly said: "If you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talk"

REALIZATION: THE KEY TO SUCCESS

Life is a very foul thing. It bewitches your mind and ensnares your senses in such a way that you forget that you ever had it. It can brew up the world's most powerful forgetfulness potion and make you drink such that we need something even more powerful to bring us back to our senses (My apologies, but it's coming from a die-hard HP fan). You start expecting too much and in your wish to get more, you forget to enjoy what little you have. You start comparing yourself with those above you and it starts giving you inferiority complex. That is when you need to stop for a moment and ask yourself one simple question.
Is it worth the stress? The pain?
Then comes an even more important question: Are you happy?
In life, there will come a time when you won't even know what you want for yourself, let alone what your loved ones need. You will be stuck in a web of despondency and anxiety.That is when these obvious questions come in handy. That is when you ask yourself one-on-one.
Is this really what you want? A friend told me that when such a moment occurs, get a pen and paper and write everything down so that you can refer to it every time you stumble.I believe that is the point where your heart will respond honestly. That is when you will get the answer that was there all along, just waiting for rediscovery. And, that is the turning point you need to lead a successful life.
 Money does not mean success! Success is when you enjoy what you get and your wish to get more does not overpower your need for happiness. This realization is the key to your success, I believe.

Books

Books are our best friends. A saying said by the famous and rightly so. My belief is that books leave an imprint on our soul that nothing else can. The feeling one gets while reading a book is outstanding. It lifts up our spirits and makes us feel good on the inside. It arouses a feeling of happiness which cannot be easily subdued.

For me, reading and writing fall in a similar domain. Thinking of reading automatically connects to writing. When you write personal diaries, your purpose is mainly to communicate with your future self. Knowing that you are writing a book yourself which might someday be read by someone who is very different from you gives you a very nice feeling, almost like getting your own book published which would be like living a dream for me. Not only that, it helps us in analyzing ourselves. 

Writing about certain things helps us gain perspective and makes us see certain things which were not very clear before. Besides, the aura of happiness and contentment that reading and writing exude cannot be put into words. Not even a thousand words can do justice to what I feel then. The sense of security I feel knowing that I have something to look forward to after a disappointing day makes me feel optimistic that maybe, life is not as bad as it seems.

My books and my writings are my life. Had they not been there, my life would've turned barren. I am afraid of being hurt, and I can count on them to never hurt me. They will just help me through the dark days of my life, giving me advises and helping me gain experience. Books are our constant companions and they pull us out of all the negativity that we might be feeling.

Seeking happiness

Some things happen in your life which make you wonder, is all your anger and bitterness you feel is worth the energy and time? All of a sudden, you realize that the reason you were feeling angry was not actually a reason. That is the discovery you are looking for in your life.

Life doesn't give you many reasons to be happy for, but when it does, our job is to prolong that moment of happiness. Pessimists cannot survive here because they are never happy. We need to realize that happiness is always around the corner but to travel down that road, you have to positive and accepting. Nobody will wait for you to come out of your cocoon. People will continue living the way they do. Nobody really cares about you if all you do in groan and cry. 

There are two centers of control in our life. The first one includes the things which are under our control while the second one includes the things which are not in our control. If we focus all our energies in running after things that are not in our control, we will stop relishing the things which are in our control. Consequently, it gives rise to anger and hurt, and the pessimistic approach which will never let us be happy.

 We cannot wait for happiness to find us. In order to be happy, we need to seek it ourselves. But the sad reality of life is that, in realizing this truth, we spend most of our lives and at the end, when we are about to die, we stumble upon it and lament ourselves on our stupidity and ignorance. 

But, you know what the worst part is? Knowing about it but not having enough control over you to change yourselves. That is not even sad, it's a TRAGEDY. Its something which we need to counter. Get help from a shrink if that helps you in outgrowing this habit, talk to your mom and dad if that helps, confide in someone or it will be too late to change yourselves.

Musings of a procrastinator

My way of life is not exactly ideal and I choose to believe that if I had been more responsible, punctual and a perpetual time saver, things would've gone differently. In fact, I am sure that they would have. But because that is not how it is and will be any time soon, I am at a loss, and a huge one I might add. People might believe that procrastination is not related to the problem where we have high expectations but for me, they are the same, so is laziness.. It would be correct to say that mostly, even inspiration fails to work on me. Being a social person, I interact with people a lot. Some fail to inspire me but some have a great effect on me. Of all those people, one inspired me a lot. That person is not an old friend of mine but his habits had a great effect on me, so much so that I wanted to merge some of them in my life but call it laziness or procrastination, I failed to do it. Even my family failed to rouse a positive effect in me when it comes to saving time. A big question that crossed my mind during my musings the other day was that why is it so easy to pick up bad habits and not good ones? You just have to see someone who inspires you doing something wrong and that is a reason sufficient enough to do the same thing but when you see someone doing something right, you appreciate it but never get down to doing it. The biggest example would be my own elder sister, a perpetual hard worker who used to excel in everything she put her heart and soul into. But she, like every other human, had some bad qualities like lazing around, using social networking websites very often and watching a lot of movies. Now which activities do you think I chose to pick up from her? Not the dedication, not the ability to work hard. Yes, you guessed right! Lazing around, using face book and of course watching television. Now, my day doesn't pass without watching television. In fact, I have to watch around 2 hours of television a day or I can't study. That is even worse than what my sister used to do. When she had work, she would be very focused but not me. I have a CIE examination in exactly three days and here I am, writing on this blog as if I have a lot of time left to study. If nothing else convinced you, this surely would. You ask life to give you short-term happiness, you get it. But if in return, you lose the long-term happiness, is it worth it then? I would like to believe that it is not. Living the moment, whatever it is that you are doing is how life should be. Merely surviving is not the only part of life. It's just a phase. It passes. In order to live life, even when you are studying, do it in a way that you don't feel deprived. Negotiate with yourself. Treat yourself when you manage to fulfill a goal because that, and only that is a life well-lived. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy but all play and no work makes Jill a grumpy, lazy person. The day I join that in my life will be the day I succeed.

Pretty Green

Colours have to power our moods and behaviour. Based on this fact scientists have come up with the concept of psychology of colors, and they say that different colors have the tendency to alter our emotions and state of minds in different ways. Although different cultures have different associations with colors but in general these colors have a similar effect on us. One such example is the color green. There is something really refreshing and soothing about pretty green; whether it is the darkest of the green such as a bottle green or the lightest shade of lime we associate green with nature. Those of us, who have tried meditating, would know that when we close our eyes and imagine ourselves in a calm place we often see ourselves surrounded by lush greens. Green has a soothing effect on our senses. Due to this soothing effect, green is often used to decorate rooms. Often guests waiting to appear before television cameras wait in the ‘green room'. We see subtle amounts of green used in spas and saloons. This is because these businesses understand the effect the color green has on our minds. Some firms even use nice pastel shades of green in their conference rooms to get that calming effect. One study revealed that those who had green in their work spaces suffered from lesser stomach aches. Green has been long considered the symbol of fertility. It was a popular choice for wedding gowns in the 15th century. Iranian brides still wear green at the time of the religious ceremony. Green continues as a popular choice among fashion houses. They go for darker shades during the winter seasons and lighter hues in the summers. One of the main reasons is that there is great variety in the palette of green. So everyone can find a shade to suit their skin color and personality. We can wear dark shades such as forest green and sometimes olive-green in winters, since lighter shades such as lime green or pistachio green give you a refreshing feeling during the summer months. Green is that one color that makeup artists recommend to all women despite of their eye and hair color. Of course not every shade is for everyone but due to its cool and warm undertones (blue and yellow) pretty green is worn by practically everybody. A recent trend is to mix shades of olive-green to the typical black ‘Smokey eye' to give it a softer look. Surrounding yourself with pretty green and using it in your wardrobe will have positive effects as there is something about the color green which inspires a sense of renewal and openness.

The black hole in human mind

Human mind is a mystery. There is just two percent of our mind which is actually involved in our intellectual development. For humans, it happens that in certain aspects, our memory takes a steep decline while in others, is spans as far as the Sun or more. This gives rise to the concept of a black hole-a black hole in human mind. We are already aware of the concept of the black hole theory which has been in existence for a while now. The basic idea for those who are not is that in a star, there are two forces acting against each other which balance it out and prevents the force of gravity within to attract other objects. But, the force, which is due to the mass, is constantly decreasing because it's changing into energy so a time might come when the star won't be able to carry out fusion reaction and with it, it will take in everything in its vicinity due to the gravitational force. Using this concept, the phenomena of a black hole in our own mind took birth and accelerated with time. Both concepts are pretty similar but in this case, the hole takes in memories which ultimately get lost. It so happens that during our childhood, this phenomena does not show its symptoms as it's in harmony with the brain's systems. But as we grow up, we become aware of the fact that a huge chunk of out memory is missing. This black hole can take any form in our imagination, be it a wild animal or something even more horrifying. At times, it consumes the memory which might recall someone's birthday, that someone who's day does not begin if you don't talk to them. Then, when you finally get reminded by some other means, it's too late. There are times when you want to forget something so bad that you would do anything to do it, but that's when the black hole is stationary or busy working elsewhere. This trend shows that the black hole mainly feeds on good memories, more like dementors except that the effects of dementors are temporary and external. How would you feel if there was a spy in your house but you can't do anything about it. This is exactly what I mean when I say that we need to fight against this black hole as long as we can as those who give up are the ones who face the worst of it. They don't have a single good memory to cherish, to be happy with…

An epiphany about life

One anger filled moment is enough to ruin everything you worked so hard for, years or months at end. It's a sad reality and the worst part is that the people you love face the worst of it, not because they are wrong, but because they are the only ones you can release all your anger on. Whether you blame the circumstances or something else; at the end, it's just your mind. Life has not given us much to be happy about, either you whine about it or let go. For me, the former alternative seems more attractive than the latter. But, with whining comes anger, anger at the lack of fulfillment of dreams as well as hurt at your loved ones not meeting your expectations.

"If something goes wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything-Ernest Hemingway

The solution to my problem is to stop thinking about it, to stop caring, to get on with life and that is exactly what I cannot do and every time I don't do it, it comes back to me full force, making it difficult for me to survive. You see, life has a way of hitting back at you in a way that it knocks you senseless. You get disoriented and unsure of yourself and the surroundings. All the sins that you have committed come back at you in a way that has the most effect on you. That is when you feel really bad about it and for all the wrong reasons. The reason that you should feel that way is there, hidden beneath the plethora of other, apparently more important reasons and you start feeling the way you should've initially.

By studying history, I have drawn one very important conclusion. After every peak comes the fall, one which brings you back where you started or close. If that holds true for all the good things that happen to you, it should definitely hold true for all the things that depress and weaken you. After all the wrong that would've happened, the time for right should begin. But the question here is, would it have the same effect? You see, every time you do something wrong, you fall lower in the eyes of those around you. In order to rise again, you have to make a lot of efforts. The question here is, even if you have changed, are you ready to go to all the lengths required to get back into their good graces? How long until the peak arrives? Would it be too late to make amendments then? To set things right?

Isn't it the same with the rulers of a country, only on a bigger scale? They have caused so many problems that the time to make amendments has far gone. They no longer deserve a second chance. The only thing our rulers have provided us with is an example. It is to never get to a point from which there is no turning back. As for those who start anew, they need to make sure that they don't reach that point, that our peak comes before that of the people's capacity to bear, or it might be too late..